"The road to range and experience is paved with lipslurs." - Mr. Moore
Why is a baritone better than a tuba?
When the angry mob shows up, a baritone is easier to conceal.
What is the grading scale of a baritone?
Hit by Bulldozer Once
Hit by Bulldozer Twice
Good for parts
How do you contact a baritone player?
You phone 'em.
What's the latest crime wave in New York City?
Drive-by baritone recitals.
What do you do if you run over a euphonium?
Back up and see if he's dead yet.
Top five reasons to play baritone/euphonium (credit Matt Haas):
5: Gives good low brass sound, but it lighter than a tuba, and more accurate than a trombone.
4: Being able to impress non-band memebers by playing an instrument called a euphonium.
3: Being able to play both really high notes, and really low notes.
2: Great solos and countermelodies.
1: Just too cool an instrument.
Top five not to:
5: Not being allowed to play in Jazz Band or Full Orchestra.
4: Having to explain the differences between a baritone and a euphonium when your not exactly sure yourself.
3: Having to hit both really high notes, and really low notes.
2: Having to explain why your 'tuba' is smaller than the rest.
1: No one knows what the heck it is.
A tubist, who was new to the band, asked the director why there were four empty seats next to him. The director replied, "Oh, those are for the euphoniums. This is a community band, and since attendance is not mandatory, those seats will usually be empty." The tubist, still confused (as most tubists easily are), asked, "What should I do if they show up?" The director told him, "If there are no euphoniums, you're safe. If there is one euphonium, you're still okay. If there are two euphoniums, you should be careful. If there are three euphoniums, you should be scared. If the are four euphoniums, you should run far, far away." (Almost interesting side note: This actually happened, and with my appearance with the band, the number of euphoniums was four. The tubist promptly left.)
You go to a party and people say, Im a lawyer, or, Im a doctor. But when you say, Im a euphoniumist, people look at you kinda funny.