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Clarinet Jokes

If you have any other jokes please e-mail me

This page's song is puttin on the ritz by benny goodman. sorry ppl i am trying to give you some choices but my computer is being stupid!

ultimate band nerd!

i play the bass clarinet!!for concert band
and the clarinet for marching band

Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of a cat in heat?
Of course there is, but only if the cat's in good health.

Why do clarinetists place their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in handicapped spaces.

How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.

How do you put down a tenor saxophone?
Confuse it with a bass clarinet.

What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet?
Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument.

What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?

What do you get when you remove half a bass clarinetist's brain?
An even more gifted contrabass clarinetist.

What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.

How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree?
Cut the noose.

A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looked at the selections:
Flute Brains, $1/lb
Tuba Brains, $10/lb
Percussion Brains, $5/lb

Then he saw a sign that read:
Clarinet Brains, $100/lb
He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know hwow many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"

How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house?
They don't know where to enter and what key to use.

What's the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard?

What do you call 20 clarinetists at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

How do you stop an oboe from being stolen?
Put it in a clarinet case.

How do you make a saxophone sound like a clarinet?
Miss a lot of notes...

How do you know when a clarinetist has died?
The concertmaster moves them back a chair...

What do call a line setup by clarinets?
A circle